Hostile Traveler

I got up painfully early this morning (daylight savings was last night) to take a tour of the Blue Mountains outside of Sydney. This was one of those organized coach tour things that I always go into hoping will be different, but they’re always the same: a bus full of old people bitching about inane things. Most of them had come off of a giant cruise ship that docked in Sydney yesterday, and this was part of their vacation package or something. Then there was the worst part - they were mostly Americans. I’m so ashamed of my country every time I encounter tourists abroad because American tourists bring new meaning to the phrase ‘obnoxious ignorant assholes’. When I travel someplace, I do my very best to blend in and embrace the culture around me (okay, aside from being a yeti in some places). Eat the same foods, be polite to people, observe good manners, that sort of thing. But most of the Americans I meet abroad seem to be shocked that things aren’t done they way the expect everywhere they go. You don’t speak English? You drive on that side of the road? You expect me to eat that? There really ought to be a course that Americans have to go through before they’re let out of the country - ‘How not to be a fucktard 101′. Most would fail.

The one thing that really helped the situation by adding shock, horror, and humor to the situation were the pair of 25ish French lesbians that made a point of constantly holding hands, kissing, and cuddling with one another on the bus. The expressions on the old folks’ faces were just priceless.

So why did I do this knowing what the situation would be (minus the lesbians)? Well, it’s a convenient way to see some things that are a bit out of the way. I really wanted to get out into the countryside a bit, and the Blue Mountains looked like a great place to visit.

First stop was…wait for it…a zoo. But not just any zoo - the Featherdale Wildlife Park is a truly amazing place that encourages interaction with some of the animals. So, they have handlers walking around with snakes, koalas, wallabies, and so on, and there are large open pens where you can reach in and pet the animals, or even walk amongst them. For an animal lover, this is a very cool experience. Over the course of the hour or so I was there, I was able to pet kangaroos, wallabies, wombats, koalas, and even a couple of very tame birds. I’ll only subject you to a few more pics because I know I’ve kind of overdone the animal themes lately. Don’t worry - I’ll keep the boudoir sheep photos to myself.

Feeding one of the wallabies hopping around the place. Yes, it’s an ice cream cone, but it’s filled with what look to be good stuff to eat. BTW - in case you were wondering, kangaroos and wallabies have really nice coats - very soft. And no, I’m not gonna eat one.

First time I’ve ever seen a Wombat close up. Friendly little guys - they do that dog thing when you scratch them where their back leg starts going.

So after the zoo, we stopped at a cliff overlooking the Blue Mountains called Govett’s Leap. There’s a folk story about it being where a guy (Govett) jumped over with his horse and survived the fall, but really, if he had, he’d be an oily smear on the bottom. It’s a long drop. In reality, it’s just named for the first guy to find it. Pretty spectacular views though. The Blue Mountains get their name from the eucalyptus trees giving off oil that dissapates and makes the blue haze you can sort of see hanging in the air. Smells nice tho.

Lunch was in a small village called Leura. This was an opportunity to get the hell away from the old folks for awhile, and I had a nice lunch at a local cafe.

After lunch, we went to a place called ‘Scenic Land’, which may be the absolute worst theme park name ever. Really, it’s a national park that encompasses what used to be the Koloomba Coal Mine and the rainforest that surrounds it in a valley. To get down to the floor of the valley, you take a cable-based railway that runs damn near 90 degrees. It’s hard to describe just how steep it is, but when you’re going down the main part, you’re looking straight out through the roof of the car. Note the sign, btw.

There’s a famous rock formation here called ‘The Three Sisters’ which features prominently in Aboriginal lore. I was going to retell the story but I’ve already forgotten it…something to do with a pissed off spider. Ah well.

On the way back to Sydney, we went through what was the Olympic Park when Sydney hosted in 2000. While most of the buildings have been repurposed, you can see where the landscaping in a lot of areas has gone to hell from disuse. But, I suppose that’s what happens afterwards.

The final bit of the tour ended at the ferry, and I took a river cat (kind of catamaran) back to Darling Harbour where I left behind the old folks. In all, a nice day and a good end to my stay here.