So I’m in Alaska. Specifically, Anchorage. I’m not supposed to be here - I should be continuing on what was supposed to be a direct flight from Newark to Tokyo. But, I have bad travel karma, as you may have figured out already.

Basically, a woman in the section in front of me lost her freaking mind. There was an asian woman (I later learned she was Singaporean) hanging around the galley in between the two business class sections of the plane. She was being a pain in the ass to the flight attendants, but it didn’t seem like anything too bad.

A little while later, one of the flight attendants got on the intercom and asked if there was a doctor on the plane, and that there was a medical emergency. I figured someone was having a heart attack or something, and as it turned out, there was indeed a doctor onboard. So, things are quiet for a bit, then suddenly a naked asian woman wanders into my section of the plane. And when I say naked, she’s completely bareassed. It was only for a few seconds before one of the flight attendants (who turned out to be one of the coolest I’ve ever met) covered her with a blanket and basically tackled her into the bathroom in front of me. Now, this is all I saw aside from when they finally got her out of the bathroom an hour later, but I talked with the flight attendant that tackled her to get the rest of the story.

The story goes like this: first, the woman was acting kind of strangely, making irrational demands, and so on. Then she started yelling and stuff, and the flight attendants were considering knocking her ass out. She told me that they keep some stuff onboard for unruly passengers, including a strong sedative, handcuffs, and restraints. I didn’t know I was on S&M airlines. Huh. The doctor was called because they thought she was on drugs and they wanted to make sure that if they sedated her, they wouldn’t kill her. But, I guess before it came to that, she passed out in her seat.

So, fast-forward about an hour. Crazy Singaporean Chick (CSC from now on) wakes up after pissing herself in a big way. She’s upset about this, so proceeds to get up and strip out of her clothes. Meanwhile, she loses her false teeth, gets super pissed, and decides to go look for them. That’s when I saw her. After the flight attendant got her into the bathroom, she proceeded to piss some more, throw up, and then asked the flight attendant (a woman in case it’s not clear) to feel her up.

It took about an hour to get her out of the bathroom and restrained in her seat, after which I guess she passed out again. Okay…crisis over, and it was better than the movie - Little Children, for you movie buffs. Incidentally, Continental doesn’t censor movies, and it seemed like the flight attendant (same one that tackled CSC for reference) would come by to check on me every time Kate Winslet was getting railed by the guy in the film. I think she was doing on purpose, cause she kept smirking at me. I know I’m a perv, go away.

Okay, so after finishing the movie, I happened to look up at the in-flight map and noticed that our destination time was in an hour, which was impossible. Then I saw that we were headed to Anchorage. Just about then the pilot came on and told us that the ‘medical emergency’ was forcing him to land in Alaska. Apparently CSC had woken up and was not happy about her situation, so they decided to boot her off the plane. Personally, I would have gone with the happy drug needle on her, but that’s me.

After landing in Anchorage, the police came onboard and dragged her off the plane. She’s going to be brought up on federal charges, so she ought to have an interesting stay in sunny Alaska. A couple of hours later and we’re off to Japan.

One of these days I’ll have a normal flight. Maybe it’s me.