Hostile Traveler

I’m a little bit behind in updates at this point, so I’ll be working on catching up over the next few posts. I left NYC last Friday and am currently in Chicago, but I wanted to post a bit about what has happened in between. Right about now is where you should imagine one of those wavy flashback routines they do on TV or something.

My last night in New York City, the weather was great and I had some time to wander around the area. Times Square in the summertime is a magnet for tourist, freaks, and sometimes both. Really, it’s one of those sensory overload places where everything is noise, neon, and LEDs. With that said, there’s a kind of beauty in the chaos that you can enjoy for 2-3 seconds before someone bumps into you and curses you out in a foreign language. Anyways, here’s a few shots during the day:

…and some at night:

Note the mob of people in the last one. Between the restaurants, Broadway shows, and everything else, the whole area was jammed with people. Still, after going to Hong Kong and Tokyo, this kind of action is child’s play. Okay, except that some of the people are taller than my shoulder.

Times Square is a very different place now than it used to be in the 70s and 80s, at least from what I’ve read. It used to be a very gritty area, full of peepshows, adult bookstores, strip clubs, and so on. It’s since been sanitized and Disney-fied, and there are only a few vestiges of what used to be on the fringes of the area. While I’m sure the generic tourist places like the Hard Rock Cafe and such are raking in the bucks, there’s something to be said about seedy places. At the very least, they’re a lot more interesting to blog about.

I had intended on taking some pictures of the last peep shows and such in the area, but decided against the idea. I’m not really big on bringing home souvenirs, and that includes my own teeth in a bag. Really, I just didn’t like the idea of getting my ass beat for taking a photo of the wrong place. I’m not a real journalist by any stretch, and I sorta like being able to chew with my own teeth. So, no photos for you. Sorry. Still, in a strange way I was happy to see that there’s still some grit to the city, even though it’s being slowly whittled away by the moral police.

On Friday, the class I was attending ended early, so I decided to head to Penn station to see if I could get an earlier train out of the city. I’m not terribly experienced with the whole train thing, so I agreed to take a ticket for a much earlier regional train. Now I know better. The Acela has spoiled me. It’s quiet, has beer, comfortable, has beer, fast, and oh yeah - it has beer. The regional line, in comparison, is like something you’d see in Mexico. Think 70s-era upholstery, loud, packed with people, and decidedly slow. I wound up having to walk through 5 cars before I found a seat, and almost came to blows with some hippie shithead over luggage space taken over by his 5 ratty duffel bags full of crap. Incidentally - for you wired hippies that may be reading this - patchouli oil does not cover the smell of stale weed and bong water - it just adds another layer to the funk. Cut the shit and take a shower.

In an attempt to tune out the surroundings, I worked on my notebook praying-mantis style in the cramped seat. Of course, YASA (Yet Another Suited Assclown) next to me spends the entire trip on his cellphone doing cold calls. He’s an insurance salesman, which in itself is enough to make me want to bludgeon him to death, and the cellphone isn’t helping. Okay, count to 10, put on headphones, tune out with music.

Fast forward a couple hours. YASA taps me on the shoulder and is saying some shit while pointing at his phone. I take off my headphones and he says, “My battery died.” Even though I want to say, “About fucking time!” I keep it to myself and gloat internally. Then he has the balls to say, “Do you mind if I plug into your computer?”

Now, murder is frowned upon in civilized cultures, but sometimes there are justifiable reasons for suddenly terminating someones life. I think the guy could tell by the look in my eyes that a little part of me inside snapped when he asked, and he started to recoil a bit before I could even open my mouth. While I don’t recall exactly what I said, I believe I started out by politely asking, “Are you fucking kidding me?” and it sorta went from there.

My new friend got off at the next stop. I don’t know if it was the stop he wanted to get off at, but he probably figured it was a good idea. It’s a pity, really, because I feel like we had a connection there. It may have wound up being a connection of my hand and his throat, but it was a connection nonetheless.

At any rate, the rest of the trip was uneventful, and I was home long enough to get my stuff together to head to Chicago this week for yet another class. But, that’s another story.

This week brings me to the Big Apple - New York City. Why they call it that, I have no idea, but I’m far too lazy to look it up right now. I’ll leave it as a homework exercise.

There are some options to get from Boston to NYC, but I went with the high-speed rail line, the Acela. While it’s not as blisteringly fast as the Japanese bullet trains, for the rails in the US it’s pretty damn fast. The unfortunate thing is it’s not able to sustain any high speeds due to local noise ordinances, decrepit rails, and the occasional fair maiden tied to the tracks. So, the trip takes a little over 3 hours. Still, when compared to dealing with the crackhead airport security or traffic/parking while driving, it’s not a bad way to go. (Again, sorry for the quality of some of the pics, but my camphone sucks.)

You basically get an airline-ish seat, and if you’re lucky like me, you get one with a table. If, however, you’re unlucky like me, you get some droning suited financial asshole on a cellphone sitting across from you the whole trip down. Still, there are power jacks available for your notebook/etc, and I spend most of the time watching movies doing work on my notebook.

One of the main advantages over flying is that you actually have a bit of space, and you can stretch your legs and take a short walk. Mind you, it’s a bit of a wobbly one due to the bumps and such, but it’s a walk nonetheless. The walk may take you to what is perhaps the greatest feature of train travel: the cafe car. Here, you can purchase any number of overpriced snacks and drinks, but the key is - they have beer. Mmm…

The ride itself is actually pretty pleasant, and the scenery isn’t too bad. The line gets close to the coast in Connecticut at a couple of points, so you get to see some boats and such. Read on for more blurry overexposed pictures.

Finally, you get into the city and arrive at Penn station. This is the fun part - the part where you know you’ve arrived. Within minutes of exiting the Amtrak area, you’re likely to experience a fascinating array of humanity. You’re going to get jostled, bumped, glared at, muttered to, and all of those other things that make New York the friendliest city in the world. Add to that the myriad of smells you get on a nice hot and humid summer day, and surely you’ll feel as if you’re in heaven too.

Upon arrival, I met up with a friend of mine and took the subway to meet his wife in Brooklyn. Now, as I may have mentioned, it was a hot, humid day. The subway has this magical way of amplifying that experience by a good 20 degrees, and then adding a slight tang of urine to the air to really bring the experience home. Needless to say, by the time I humped my shit up and down more stairs than I care to remember, I was dripping with sweat. Nice way to go to dinner. Ah well.

Dinner itself was at a very cool Thai restaurant called Sea. Okay, in retrospect, maybe not the most creative name. Still, if you’re going to go monosyllabic for a restaurant name, I guess it’s better to go with that than, say, Ass. The neighborhood around it is pretty unremarkable, but when you step inside, it’s a massive place that seems more suited to club than restaurant. Still, great food, and good company. And I finally dried out.

After dinner, my friends dropped me off at my hotel in Times Square. Okay, near Times Square. I was given a room with a “view” on the 19th floor, but the actual view part is a bit debatable. It’s mostly the back of a billboard. I guess the lights are pretty…

The next day (Wednesday) was spent in class, so I won’t bore anyone with the details. Lunch, however, was interesting. I went to a quasi-famous deli (aren’t they all?) called the Stage Door Deli. They put together what can only vaguely be called a sandwich, but it’s only that because it happens to be between two slices of bread and held together by a toothpick. In between is a pile of whatever meat you ordered. I got some sort of belly bomb that contained pastrami, corned beef, and turkey, so I expect to die at any moment. Still, pretty tasty…

The heat and humidity decided to go out with a bang last night, and torrential thunderstorms came through blowing rain sideways and turning the filth on the streets into a kind of hellish stew. I didn’t really feel like wandering around in that, so I hit a dingy mexican joint across the street where the marginal burrito was made up for by the firewater margaritas.

Today, on the other hand, is beautiful. Sunny skies, warm temps, no humidity - perfect. Well, it’s NYC, so I’ll shift that over into tolerable. So I’m going to head out this eve and snap some photos of Times Square and its surroundings. Maybe tomorrow morning I’ll try to get on Good Morning America with the rest of the sign-toting retards. Yeah…maybe not.

Now that I’m back home and have a real internet connection, my level of happiness is much higher. I suppose that’s kind of sad, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I’m a nerd and am very net-dependent. That’s step one, right? Admitting you have a problem. But, at least now I can upload some photos and such for my gigantic audience here. All five three of you. I apologize in advance for the quality of the photos, but they were done using my phone, so they kinda suck. Well, they suck even more than usual.

I arrived in Bloomington on Monday afternoon and quickly realized that there are exactly two points of interest there: the Minneapolis - St. Paul Airport and the Mall of America. Oh, and there’s a big-assed military cemetery that my room overlooked, but I’m not a closet goth or anything, so that doesn’t have much interest for me. Having seen the airport, I opted to check out the mall to poke around and grab some dinner.

The first thing you’re greeted with at the mall is this sign:

(I’m pointing out the middle one, though the one on the right with the pornostache dude is perhaps even more disturbing)

Now, I know I’m not home anymore when there actually needs to be a sign put up to remind people not to carry guns into a mall. Apparently, concealed weapons are perfectly legal in Minnesota (much like Texas), and the very idea of that freaks me out a bit. I mean, I can understand the desire to bring a gun to the mall around Christmas time, but other than that…I just don’t get it. I guess you can’t take the Wild West mentality out of some people that take their constitutional rights way too much to heart. While the constitution also allows people to form militias, it doesn’t specifically say that the rest of us shouldn’t view you as crackpots.

So…the mall. It’s a mall. And yeah, it’s big - three levels of stores arranged in a square around a big open center that contains an amusement park. While I admit that’s kind of a novel concept, it also seems…well, unnecessary and more than a touch cheesy. Before I go on, here’s a few shots of what the middle looks like:

So you get the idea. While it’s a very big mall with an amusement park and aquarium, it still has one basic issue: it’s a mall. Even further, it’s a mall that reinforces a lot of the stereotypical views people from other countries have of us. Gigantic, over-the-top commercialism filled with plodding overweight ignorant Americans. The very idea that anyone would plan a vacation around this place is pretty nauseating, yet I’m told it happens. Japanese tourists come in droves, but if you read some of my other posts, that little fact isn’t terribly surprising compared to the other stuff.

Enough of the mall. It’s worth seeing if you’re in the area, and it does contain a few decent restaurants, but you’re far better served spending some time in downtown Minneapolis. As industrial and relatively unattractive as Bloomington is, Minneapolis itself is really quite nice. More on that in a bit.

This week I was taking a class so that I’m somewhat less useless at the new company. But, again, what’s the first thing that greets me at the office?

(Company name omitted to protect the innocent…and to prevent them from firing my ass)

Apparently, companies have to choose whether or not to allow employees to bring their guns to work with them. Again, doesn’t exactly give me warm fuzzies.

Class itself was fine - I won’t bore anyone with details - but I have to admit that it was refreshing to be one of the people in the audience staring vacantly at the instructor instead of vice-versa. Learning is fun. Remembering sucks.

On Wednesday night after class, I headed into downtown Minneapolis to check the place out. The weather was perfect - 70, sunny, dry, and it’s that time of year where the sun doesn’t go down til after 9pm. Good time to wander around a new place and get a feel for it.

I wound up in a place called Peavey Plaza, and there was a free concert set up featuring gb Leighton, a local band that does a combination of covers and originals that lean towards bluesy rock. They pulled off a pretty impressive version of All Along the Watchtower by Hendrix though, so it was a decent show. Along with the band, there were a bunch of food and beer vendors set up around the perimeter. I gotta say, nice way to spend an evening…especially for free.

After watching the band for awhile, I wandered around the area surrounding Nicollet Mall for a bit, and wound up going for dinner at a British pub across from Peavey Plaza called Brit’s Pub. It’s a massive place, with two floors of indoor seating, two floors of outdoor seating, and, believe it or not, an outdoor lawn bowling green. Decent food, great beer selection, and you gotta love that they have a freaking bowling green. In one of the pics you can also see a movie screen on the wall. During the summer, they show movies on Monday nights while people hang out and drink pints. Definitely my kind of place.

All in all, I have to say that Minneapolis is a pretty nice place. Very clean, some cool areas like the Warehouse District, and very friendly people. But I guess you’d expect that out of Midwesterners. Yah sure you betcha.

I read this post on Craigslist and I thought I should share it with everyone that gets to experience the joys of air travel.

And yes, I’m still working on the pictures…

I returned home Saturday night after a remarkably uneventful trip (for once). No engine explosions, vomit, or crazy naked Asian chicks. Just a nice easy 13 hour flight and 13 hour time difference, so I basically landed at the same time I took off. Now if that doesn’t cause your system to freak out, I don’t know what will. As a result, I’ve spent the time since sleeping at random, including a 15+ hour stretch when I got home. Hopefully I normalize by tomorrow.

Waking up yesterday (admittedly at 4pm) to an inch of sleet and torrential rain alternating was a treat. After experiencing the cherry blossoms and the beginnings of Spring in Japan coming home to a wintry mix was not a pleasant experience. Isn’t it supposed to be spring? WTF?

Well, let’s get caught up on the events since I last wrote. Thursday night was pretty much covered, so lets start with Friday, where I decided that I needed to get my culture on and go to see something old. In a city so obsessed with the new, this is sometimes not an easy task. Not to mention the whole bombing thing in WWII, but we’ll leave that alone. I’m all culturally sensitive and stuff. Yeah.

So, first order of business - lunch. Should have been breakfast, but Thursday was a late night and I’m not much of a morning person. The nice thing about eating in restaurants in Japan is that most of them have a display case outside that contains plastic versions of their dishes. They’re amazingly lifelike, and all you need to do is drag the waiter outside and point to get something similar on your table. So far, I’ve been lucky to not find any hidden tentacles - they usually put those in plain view.

Couple of other random pics from my wanderings. The maid cafe thing has generated some comments and emails, so I wanted to put up this giant store dedicated to uniforms called M’s, found in Akihabara. I wasn’t kidding when I said that the Japanese take their fetishes very seriously. Oh, and beware if you decide to visit the website on the sign.

One final bit of Engrish that may or may not be intentional - some shirts being sold at a vendor in Asakusa.

My wanderings on Friday took me to what is one of the oldest parts of Tokyo, called Asakusa. Here, you don’t find any glass skyscrapers or neon overload, but instead, mostly older buildings and temples. It’s a less hectic area to walk around in, which was a nice break from the downtown areas of the city.

The main reason I came to this section was to see the Sensoji Temple and its surroundings. To get there, look for Kaminarimon Gate, under which hangs a giant red lantern.

I didn’t realize this at the time, but under the lantern is the Japanese version of Kenny Rogers.

After passing through the gate, you wind up on Namsite street, which is lined on both sides by vendors selling traditional tourist crap - kimonos, cheap swords, masks, and so on. There are, however, some nice things amongst all the crap, but you have to look a little bit harder while fighting through the crowds. There are also a lot of food vendors selling freshly-cooked pastries, rice cakes, and so on. The smell is heavenly, which I suppose, is fitting for a temple area. This time of year is when the cherry blossoms are in bloom, so everything is done up with a cherry blossom motif. And, if you look closely, Kenny Rogers-san is following me…

In light of my recent uneventful flight and my desire to change my travel karma, here are a couple of Buddha from 1687. That’s all. No wise-assed comments. Really.

Paper lanterns hung outside of the temple. If anyone can translate, feel free. I just thought they looked nice.

There’s a five-story pagoda outside of the main temple building that was built much later, but still impressive.

This is Sensoji Temple itself, which is (I believe) the oldest temple in Tokyo, built in the seventh century, though I’m not sure to what degree the building is original. It’s really quite nice, and is still in use judging by the monks wandering around.

I finally got to see a Rickshaw after all of these trips to Asia. Okay, it’s not that impressive. I dunno…I just would feel bad having a guy haul my big foreign ass around town.

….and that’s it for the pics. Friday night I spent a bit of time in Shibuya doing the Times Square-on-steroids thing, then went out for dinner at a yakitori place for some grilled meat. Early night in general because I was flying the next day.

Incidentally, if you’re ever visiting Tokyo, be sure to give yourself plenty of time to get to the airport - about 2 hours should be fine. Basically, there are three ways - a $200 taxi ride, a $40 bus ride that stops at every freaking hotel in the city, or a $35, 1 hour Narita Express train trip, but you have to get to Tokyo Station first. Oh, and because it’s the JR (Japan Rail) line, good luck figuring it out - English is sorta optional for most of the signage.

And now I’m back. I’ll work on getting the galleries updated soon. Kinda like the ones from Australia and Hong Kong that I haven’t put up yet. Someday…